When things go wrong !

It has been a long time since I have made a post, well, a lot has changed in this duration in my life. My love for writing however never changed , so here I am with some new insights .

The past few days have been a whirlwind ,with my life changing drastically and I have been through a tide of ups and downs. When things go down , it is very difficult for me to do anything else. Just doing the basic day to day stuff takes a lot of energy.

However to deal with all of this I have begun to spend more time in prayer asking The Lord what HE wills for me in my life.

And yesterday was one such instance , wherein something was really bothering me .

So I sat in front of the altar kept looking at Jesus and telling him how he could make things right for me , the various ways he could help me, the different situations he could put me in and Bham !!!!! All of a sudden it struck me , what am I doing ? Why am I asking my lord to do things the way I want, when I keep praying for HIS will to be done in my life.

I felt really so small and stupid, I asked pardon and told my lord, “Master if this is what you will for me, I accept it, even though it’s hurting me. I know you have a reason, so I thank you master for what you have done ”

No sooner did I finish praying those few lines I felt such immense peace.

Sometimes accepting painful situations and praying for the strength to deal with them gives more assurance then cribbing about the situation .

It helped me greatly and I hope my sharing helps someone out in need.

What are your experiences ? I would love to hear from you.

Change : Boon or Bane for Moms

Once upon a time my son would take two naps a day and I had pretty much gotten used to this timetable and planned my chores around his schedule. This worked very well for me, as I got to have time for myself , do my chores and at the same time give a lot of undivided attention to my son.

But off late my son was been beginning to skip his morning nap , throwing me off the hook completely.  I then hardly had any time to do the household chores , and spend time with myself.

I spent most of my time entertaining my son, getting him to do activities and spend less time with the T.V. Being stuck indoors because of winter and having a lot of time on hand I was running short of things to keep my toddler busy .

I was like a crazy woman scouting the internet for activities to keep a toddler engaged and busy, but to no avail. My son wanted me to do every activity with him, he just didn’t want to do anything by himself. This was pretty tiring .And this being his first winter,in Wisconsin, he was getting awfully sick with cold and cough, forcing us to be home all the more.

This was  getting awfully frustrating with me, and instead of looking forward to spending time with my son, I was beginning to secretly resent it. And at the same time was dying of guilt, I mean come on what kind of Mother am I ? who is resenting spending time with her son. I was not prepared for this change. I missed having some time for myself and was beginning to freak out.

This then got me thinking about changes. Changes they say are good for us , especially when we are prepared for it. But what about changes which we are not prepared for ? A sudden death , a loss of job , a catastrophe, a change in the baby’s schedule etc

As human beings are reaction to unprepared changes be it minor or major is self pity. Try as hard as we may we plunge into this dark ocean of self pity. And remain in it for quite sometime, unless we get really tired of it.

And one day just like that I got so tired of all this self pitying.

Ok so what If my toddler is not sleeping more, I cannot live like this rushing through my chores, being tired and not enjoying this time with my son. I get to enjoy his childhood just this once. I am a lucky woman to get to spend so much time with her baby, I should be making the most of it and not cribbing about it.

Since then I have worked around my schedule to get things under control.

I try to get up earlier and get some work done, sometimes I let the chores just be and play with my baby , sometimes I manage to juggle both. I have learnt to stop  being harsh on my self and bid goodbye to self pity the minute I see some signs. When it gets a little too much, I just leave the baby with my spouse, and go away to the gym for an hour, that refreshes me totally. I am getting used to this phase now and thank god that he naps atleast once a day.

Staying at home with the baby sometimes is not so easy 🙂  It is a lot of sacrifice but in the long run is worth all the effort 🙂

Parents vs In-laws

At some point in our married life, we find ourselves stuck between supporting our parents and vouching for our in-laws. It is not something very pleasant and the faster we come out of this rut the better for us.

Every family has certain secret and specific  idiosyncrasies which are understood unbiasedly by the family members . However when two individuals get married these idiosyncrasies of both these families gets exposed. And a behavior or ritual of your family which you find to be very normal, is found to be absurd by your spouse and his/her family member. With time your spouse and you begin to understand each others families and the not so normal rituals and behaviors becomes a part of your life.

However, there comes times when there is a clash in thinking between our parents and in-laws, and the person who gets stuck between these two is you and your spouse. As my parents child I understand why they did “XYZ ” in a certain way , my in laws on the other hand believe that “XYZ ” should be done in another way. The result being both the parties being offended. Sometimes both of them are wrong and sometimes neither of them. But as a couple caught in between, we are forced to resolve the issue.

My friend who stays close to her parents and in laws is frequently caught in such situations and finds it extremely exhausting. I on the other hand stay very far away from both of them but tend to get caught sometimes in such situations and find it extremely draining.

Worse comes to worse we as a couple start to have arguments about this only to realize that we husband and wife fighting is not the solution 🙂

What do you have to say about this ? Have you been caught in such situations ? What do you do then ?

Sometimes I guess its better to keep quiet, cause eventually our parents and in-laws will find a way to get together.

To Share or Not To Share !

“Happiness quite unshared can scarcely be called happiness; it has no taste.”  ― Charlotte Brontë

A recent string of incidents has got me seriously thinking about this quote. I was a firm believer of this quote and wouldn’t mind sharing my happiness with most of my friends.Well, it certainly is such a beautiful thing to do.  My husband on the contrary believes in sharing good news with just a select few.( I found it weird initially but now his thinking is beginning to make a lot of sense to me. )

Well now, what is the right thing to do  ?  What is the best way to share across your happiness. Sometimes I see people put across joyous news on Facebook for the whole world to see, whereas some remain a silent spectator. Let me explain each point of view  :

People who do not believe in sharing : People with this attitude believe that they are inviting misfortune or what is called “Evil Eye ” on their share of happiness, when they share news with everyone. They believe that not all people will be genuinely happy for you. There are a couple of people out their who are not as fortunate as you and when they see other people doing better than them, they tend to bring out a lot of resentment and negativity. And to some point I am beginning to realize that this may be true if you have people who are “Happiness Suckers” because yes recently I have come across some sad few.

People who love sharing their joy : People with this attitude care a damn , and go ahead and fearlessly share their joy. Reason being they believe that they have people who genuinely care and are happy for them and they have hardly experienced people jinxing their happiness so why not share 🙂 These are some lucky people I believe .

Watch out for “Happiness Suckers”, they come disguised as well wishers but cant fool you long 🙂 I believed they just existed on  TV but I was wrong they exist in real life too, so be wary.

What do you think about this ? what do u do ?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgiveness : What Does It Mean To You ?

Today as I was sitting between two old ladies listening to the long sermon given by the priest , my mind drifting off and on to various places, the priest caught my attention by asking the parishioners ,what “Forgiveness” meant to us. He described the word so beautifully , this is something I heard for the very first time in my life. He told us that the word forgiveness is incomplete without the word “Give”. To forgive is to “Give away a part of yourself to the person who hurt you ” and this is not easy.

Yes, forgiving is  not easy, tell me about it. I have been having struggling with it for the past 6 months.It takes every ounce of will power to be nice to the person who has hurt you. Forgiving involves sacrifice , one needs to sacrifice one’s ego, one’s pride and step down from that pedestal of  hurt, anger and grief and reach out to the person who is the cause of your misery.

It takes time to reach that mental state where one decides “Enough of this mental agony, let me try forgiving this person, maybe then I can find some peace”.

Months and months of piled anger and frustration eventually leads to this stage of forgiveness I guess. And trust me its worth it. I have experienced this part too, and it is such a relief from the negativity.

Eery stage in this part of forgiveness is important and necessary to shape up our personality

1) The phase of realizing that one has been ill-treated

2) The Anger at the other person or one self.

3) Times when one’s mind replays the “Scene where one was hurt ”

4) Efforts to block out that pain and agony

5) Anger, Pain and Hurt

6) Giving up

7) Seeking a way out of this mental agony

8) Finally seeking to Forgive.

It does not happen instantly, one needs to suffer through all these stages and then realize the beauty of “Forgiveness”

I would like to hear about your views about forgiveness , what does it mean to you, has it been easy , what is your journey ? maybe it can help some of us.

Child Sexual Exploitation – Every Mothers Nightmare

(A Dutch child-rights organization has opened my eyes to a new form of child exploitation. This video is safe for work but will hurt your stomach.

Watch how they gauged the scale of the problem with a 10-week online sting using the help of someone named “Sweetie.” )

Came across this video, and just watching it, broke my heart. The first thought that came to my mind was “Oh my, what if this happened to my son” I cannot bear it.

It is very sad that some perverts find pleasure by exploiting children. Oh how I wish I could just protect all these children.

I am glad to know there are people who are willing to get out of their comfort zone and do something about this problem.

A big salute to you guys !!!!!

When My Husband Gets Quite Suddenly !

There are a million things that go through my mind when my husband gets quite suddenly .( I can say Yes , this can sometimes be one disadvantage for a stay at home. Doing the same tasks everyday does give one lot of time to think of other stuff ) I am not really sure why he is so quite and so I go through my mental list to find out the reason :

1) Did I do something ?

2) Did I get forget something ?

3) Is he upset ?

4) If yes, why ?

5) What happened at the office ?

6) Is he not happy ?

7) Why is he quiet ?

8) Back to question 1

It kind of confuses me because with women it is so much simpler. When we are angry or upset, we just keep quiet and dont talk to our husbands but with men its complicated because they alternate so much. Sometimes they are quite because they are angry and sometimes they are quiet for absolute no reason . So, how do we know what to do.

And they say “Women are complicated !” , Well, guess with times the psyche of men is also changing.

With experience I have learnt that the best thing to do is ” Stop Freaking ” and watch a good movie 🙂

What I have learnt from my Son

The 14th of November is a day of celebration in India , across various schools in India there are programs conducted to make the children feel special and loved . The occasion being ” Children’s Day” with the very essence of childhood being celebrated . We have specific days dedicated to Mother’s, Father’s , Grandparents, Daughters, Sons but the beauty of children’s day is that not only is it a day of celebration for children but  also a great way to celebrate the child in each one of us.

There is so much we can learn from children. They teach us such valuable lessons. Everyday I learn so much from Eli my son it is just so amazing. Sometimes he does these things that just touch my very soul. Eli you are very small to read this post now but some day son when you are all grown up and are able to read this post,I want you to know how much I love you and how much I have learnt from you my little toddler.

1) Smile : According to research kids smile as often as 400 times a day and I can just bet that elie smiles 500 times a day. I just have to look at him 🙂 and he has a smile ready. I wish I could be less serious and smile as often as you my baby.I tend to be so caught up with chores and lists that I forget to smile.

2) Get Over Stuff : Elie my darling I am just so amazed at how fast you get over your tears , one minute your crying so bad and the next minute you are giving me that beautiful smile, how I wish I could get over my anger and temper and not ruin my whole day. Boy ! there is so much for me to learn.

3) Forgiving : Elie, sweetheart there are times when you are really mad at me but within minutes you come running back in to my arms completing forgiving me. I wish I was as forgiving as you. Mommy has a hard time forgiving people who hurt her but I promise you that I will work on this.

4) Curiosity : Darling Eli , you can be such daring brat at times, Daddy and I are so surprised everytime we see you doing something new. Your curiosity is so refreshing, and how you love to learn new things, touching, opening, feeling everything. I am so comfortable in my old ways that change scares me. I hope to be more open to change, to new stuff.

5) Dance: This is the best thing about you, you just have to hear the music and be it anywhere you dont hesitate to loosen up and dance. I love to see your little legs jump up and move to the music. You are not bothered about what others think, you are just having fun. I wish I could loosen up like you son and not hesitate to have fun.

Mommy and Daddy adore you Eli .

And to all the kids , I take this opportunity to wish you a very Happy Children’s Day , God Bless You all, you just bring so much joy to all of us.

We love You , Yes we Do !!!!!

5 Things Every Stay At Home Mom should do for herself !

Ever since my baby boy was born I decided to stay at home full time and take care of him. Well, apart from taking care of him these are my official duties for the day

1) Prepare and serve Breakfast , Lunch , Dinner

2) Vaccum the house

3) Do the Laundry

4) Throw the trash out

5) Do the dishes

6) Apart from preparing meals , also prepare snacks for the family

7) Bathe, feed and Clean the baby

8) Entertain the baby ( since its winter now and we cant go out much and are stuck at home, I am eli’s official clown ) etc etc etc

I realized I hardly had any time for myself. Everytime I sat to relax either eli would either poop or would be bored and would end up crying. I was constantly doing things around the house and would hardly ever find time for myself and the end result was though I was so needed and busy I was often left lonely. I hardly had any exciting things to share with my husband at the end of the day . With Winter around I could not even go out much with my toddler. And since we are in a totally different country with family and friends in India there was no body whom I could call and talk to also.

And so I was beginning to get really depressed . I had to find some way to breathe , some way to let go of my negative thoughts and over time through trial and error I have found out ways that helped me come out of my shell.

1) Prayer and Meditation : With my baby around and his erratic schedules I hardly found 5 minutes of peace time for myself. I couldn’t even get up early and pray because of the disturbed sleep I would have with my son. He would get up around 2-3 times crying out aloud till we would console him in the night. However through past experience I found out that prayer and meditation was a big stress buster for me . So, I decided that since early morning was the only time I had for myself, I would get up early around 6.30 -7.00 and spend some time in Prayer, surrounding my entire day , my family and my baby to my God. This did wonders for me. It somehow helped reduce the lethargy and made me more cheerful.

2) Dress up : Now that I am at home, I didnt feel the need to dress up and rush to my workplace. And since there is no one judging my appearance I would roam around the whole day in my pajamas and get the housework done. Besides who dresses up to get housework done. But then at some point I realized that every time I dressed up, combed my hair or put on a lipstick a very nice feeling would seep inside me. It gives me the feeling that yes I am getting ready to achieve something. And so though I am at home, the simple act of combing my hair, putting on simple jewellery, perfuming myself up and putting on some mascara would make me feel great and ready for the day ahead with my toddler and housework.

3) Don’t Be Guilty : Since I was at home and my husband was working, I would feel guilty every time I would ask him to do some of the housework. (My husband is a real gem he never refuses me ) but the guilt would kill me. Morever, it is Indian mentality that housework is for women and not for men. But then if one actually see’s as a Stay at Home mom, there is hardly any rest time, it’s bham like work one after the other. And there is hardly any rest . Atleast when one works , one gets to take a break from the chaos from home, breathe and jump back again in the non stop hustle. And so I stopped feeling guilty and when needed not hesitate  and ask for help , rather than doing everything by myself. This was a big reliever and bought me more close to my husband.Most of the time we Indian women hesitate to ask our husbands to do any work, it is considered “inappropriate” but times have changed now and so should we ladies.

4) A little Zumba, Walking and Swimming : Now that I stopped nursing my baby, I have started gyming and wow what a great feeling it is. At the end of day I feel really drained and want to back out from exercising but then a few moments of willpower and I am in the gym and after a 30 minute workout I feel so charged and good. Also a good work out is equal to weight loss which is another great feeling. Small things but they make so much difference.

5) Talking to a loved One : The moment I open my eyes in the morning, my brain starts planning the various tasks ahead me and I am in rush to get things done: Feed my son, prepare lunch, vacuum the house etc etc etc When I was working I hardly had time to talk to anyone but now that I am at home I realized why not take the advantage and even though its for a few minutes I take some time to talk to my mum or friend or relative just everyday and hmmmm that’s such a breather.

6) Do something New : When my toddler takes a nap and when I am done with the housework and have nothing to do, I take some time to watch TV but then I realized I wanted to do something more, something more productive and so yes I started blogging and I am just loving every bit of it . This is something new for me and I look forward to doing this so much 🙂 it makes my day worthwhile.

As I said before”Small things but they make so much difference in one’s life” . Life is short let us make the most of everyday 🙂 ladies, because if the lady of the house is happy , the whole house is in great shape.

How long should I wait before having a baby ?

This is a question every couple need to decide before they start their life together. Some choose to wait for 4-5 years , whereas some choose to wait for 2-3 years whereas some just don’t have the choice ,they end up getting pregnant the very next month of their marriage. I knew of a couple who wanted to wait for a good three years before having their baby but it so turned out that she got pregnant the very next month of her marriage and that came as a total surprise for her.

This is indeed a tricky question and it greatly depends on the couples priority. My husband and I chose to wait for 6 months before having a baby. This was something we decided before our wedding and we were very clear on this.

I was having a discussion with some ladies at a party today and they were all talking about how their lives had changed after a baby and how long they waited before having a kid. That left me thinking as to how long should one exactly wait to have a baby ? what is the ideal time? I guess as I said before it all depends on the couples priority.

Some may want to establish their careers, some may want to travel to new places , some might want to get to know their spouse better, some might want to earn more money and so in all the above cases they may want to wait for a few years, some cant wait to start a family immediately , some may want children immediately because of their age or health.

There is no right or wrong answer for this question. What is most important is that  you and your spouse be willing to share to raise the baby together.  It is important that both be willing to share the responsibility. Putting off the responsibility on one person can lead to a lot of stress. This is a life changing decision and involves a lot of sacrifice, it teaches us to value our parents even more, we learn to respect free time, we learn to love more, and in a sense brings the couple closer even more. After my son was born my husband and I initially hardly got a chance to spend time together. Now we take time to be with each other and that’s exciting. All the little things he does to make my life easy makes me love and respect him more.