When things go wrong !

It has been a long time since I have made a post, well, a lot has changed in this duration in my life. My love for writing however never changed , so here I am with some new insights .

The past few days have been a whirlwind ,with my life changing drastically and I have been through a tide of ups and downs. When things go down , it is very difficult for me to do anything else. Just doing the basic day to day stuff takes a lot of energy.

However to deal with all of this I have begun to spend more time in prayer asking The Lord what HE wills for me in my life.

And yesterday was one such instance , wherein something was really bothering me .

So I sat in front of the altar kept looking at Jesus and telling him how he could make things right for me , the various ways he could help me, the different situations he could put me in and Bham !!!!! All of a sudden it struck me , what am I doing ? Why am I asking my lord to do things the way I want, when I keep praying for HIS will to be done in my life.

I felt really so small and stupid, I asked pardon and told my lord, “Master if this is what you will for me, I accept it, even though it’s hurting me. I know you have a reason, so I thank you master for what you have done ”

No sooner did I finish praying those few lines I felt such immense peace.

Sometimes accepting painful situations and praying for the strength to deal with them gives more assurance then cribbing about the situation .

It helped me greatly and I hope my sharing helps someone out in need.

What are your experiences ? I would love to hear from you.

Change : Boon or Bane for Moms

Once upon a time my son would take two naps a day and I had pretty much gotten used to this timetable and planned my chores around his schedule. This worked very well for me, as I got to have time for myself , do my chores and at the same time give a lot of undivided attention to my son.

But off late my son was been beginning to skip his morning nap , throwing me off the hook completely.  I then hardly had any time to do the household chores , and spend time with myself.

I spent most of my time entertaining my son, getting him to do activities and spend less time with the T.V. Being stuck indoors because of winter and having a lot of time on hand I was running short of things to keep my toddler busy .

I was like a crazy woman scouting the internet for activities to keep a toddler engaged and busy, but to no avail. My son wanted me to do every activity with him, he just didn’t want to do anything by himself. This was pretty tiring .And this being his first winter,in Wisconsin, he was getting awfully sick with cold and cough, forcing us to be home all the more.

This was  getting awfully frustrating with me, and instead of looking forward to spending time with my son, I was beginning to secretly resent it. And at the same time was dying of guilt, I mean come on what kind of Mother am I ? who is resenting spending time with her son. I was not prepared for this change. I missed having some time for myself and was beginning to freak out.

This then got me thinking about changes. Changes they say are good for us , especially when we are prepared for it. But what about changes which we are not prepared for ? A sudden death , a loss of job , a catastrophe, a change in the baby’s schedule etc

As human beings are reaction to unprepared changes be it minor or major is self pity. Try as hard as we may we plunge into this dark ocean of self pity. And remain in it for quite sometime, unless we get really tired of it.

And one day just like that I got so tired of all this self pitying.

Ok so what If my toddler is not sleeping more, I cannot live like this rushing through my chores, being tired and not enjoying this time with my son. I get to enjoy his childhood just this once. I am a lucky woman to get to spend so much time with her baby, I should be making the most of it and not cribbing about it.

Since then I have worked around my schedule to get things under control.

I try to get up earlier and get some work done, sometimes I let the chores just be and play with my baby , sometimes I manage to juggle both. I have learnt to stop  being harsh on my self and bid goodbye to self pity the minute I see some signs. When it gets a little too much, I just leave the baby with my spouse, and go away to the gym for an hour, that refreshes me totally. I am getting used to this phase now and thank god that he naps atleast once a day.

Staying at home with the baby sometimes is not so easy 🙂  It is a lot of sacrifice but in the long run is worth all the effort 🙂

Parents vs In-laws

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At some point in our married life, we find ourselves stuck between supporting our parents and vouching for our in-laws. It is not something very pleasant and the faster we come out of this rut the better for us.

Every family has certain secret and specific  idiosyncrasies which are understood unbiasedly by the family members . However when two individuals get married these idiosyncrasies of both these families gets exposed. And a behavior or ritual of your family which you find to be very normal, is found to be absurd by your spouse and his/her family member. With time your spouse and you begin to understand each others families and the not so normal rituals and behaviors becomes a part of your life.

However, there comes times when there is a clash in thinking between our parents and in-laws, and the person who gets stuck between these two is you and your spouse. As my parents child I understand why they did “XYZ ” in a certain way , my in laws on the other hand believe that “XYZ ” should be done in another way. The result being both the parties being offended. Sometimes both of them are wrong and sometimes neither of them. But as a couple caught in between, we are forced to resolve the issue.

My friend who stays close to her parents and in laws is frequently caught in such situations and finds it extremely exhausting. I on the other hand stay very far away from both of them but tend to get caught sometimes in such situations and find it extremely draining.

Worse comes to worse we as a couple start to have arguments about this only to realize that we husband and wife fighting is not the solution 🙂

What do you have to say about this ? Have you been caught in such situations ? What do you do then ?

Sometimes I guess its better to keep quiet, cause eventually our parents and in-laws will find a way to get together.

To Share or Not To Share !

“Happiness quite unshared can scarcely be called happiness; it has no taste.”  ― Charlotte Brontë

A recent string of incidents has got me seriously thinking about this quote. I was a firm believer of this quote and wouldn’t mind sharing my happiness with most of my friends.Well, it certainly is such a beautiful thing to do.  My husband on the contrary believes in sharing good news with just a select few.( I found it weird initially but now his thinking is beginning to make a lot of sense to me. )

Well now, what is the right thing to do  ?  What is the best way to share across your happiness. Sometimes I see people put across joyous news on Facebook for the whole world to see, whereas some remain a silent spectator. Let me explain each point of view  :

People who do not believe in sharing : People with this attitude believe that they are inviting misfortune or what is called “Evil Eye ” on their share of happiness, when they share news with everyone. They believe that not all people will be genuinely happy for you. There are a couple of people out their who are not as fortunate as you and when they see other people doing better than them, they tend to bring out a lot of resentment and negativity. And to some point I am beginning to realize that this may be true if you have people who are “Happiness Suckers” because yes recently I have come across some sad few.

People who love sharing their joy : People with this attitude care a damn , and go ahead and fearlessly share their joy. Reason being they believe that they have people who genuinely care and are happy for them and they have hardly experienced people jinxing their happiness so why not share 🙂 These are some lucky people I believe .

Watch out for “Happiness Suckers”, they come disguised as well wishers but cant fool you long 🙂 I believed they just existed on  TV but I was wrong they exist in real life too, so be wary.

What do you think about this ? what do u do ?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgiveness : What Does It Mean To You ?

Today as I was sitting between two old ladies listening to the long sermon given by the priest , my mind drifting off and on to various places, the priest caught my attention by asking the parishioners ,what “Forgiveness” meant to us. He described the word so beautifully , this is something I heard for the very first time in my life. He told us that the word forgiveness is incomplete without the word “Give”. To forgive is to “Give away a part of yourself to the person who hurt you ” and this is not easy.

Yes, forgiving is  not easy, tell me about it. I have been having struggling with it for the past 6 months.It takes every ounce of will power to be nice to the person who has hurt you. Forgiving involves sacrifice , one needs to sacrifice one’s ego, one’s pride and step down from that pedestal of  hurt, anger and grief and reach out to the person who is the cause of your misery.

It takes time to reach that mental state where one decides “Enough of this mental agony, let me try forgiving this person, maybe then I can find some peace”.

Months and months of piled anger and frustration eventually leads to this stage of forgiveness I guess. And trust me its worth it. I have experienced this part too, and it is such a relief from the negativity.

Eery stage in this part of forgiveness is important and necessary to shape up our personality

1) The phase of realizing that one has been ill-treated

2) The Anger at the other person or one self.

3) Times when one’s mind replays the “Scene where one was hurt ”

4) Efforts to block out that pain and agony

5) Anger, Pain and Hurt

6) Giving up

7) Seeking a way out of this mental agony

8) Finally seeking to Forgive.

It does not happen instantly, one needs to suffer through all these stages and then realize the beauty of “Forgiveness”

I would like to hear about your views about forgiveness , what does it mean to you, has it been easy , what is your journey ? maybe it can help some of us.

Child Sexual Exploitation – Every Mothers Nightmare

(A Dutch child-rights organization has opened my eyes to a new form of child exploitation. This video is safe for work but will hurt your stomach.

Watch how they gauged the scale of the problem with a 10-week online sting using the help of someone named “Sweetie.” )

Came across this video, and just watching it, broke my heart. The first thought that came to my mind was “Oh my, what if this happened to my son” I cannot bear it.

It is very sad that some perverts find pleasure by exploiting children. Oh how I wish I could just protect all these children.

I am glad to know there are people who are willing to get out of their comfort zone and do something about this problem.

A big salute to you guys !!!!!

When My Husband Gets Quite Suddenly !

There are a million things that go through my mind when my husband gets quite suddenly .( I can say Yes , this can sometimes be one disadvantage for a stay at home. Doing the same tasks everyday does give one lot of time to think of other stuff ) I am not really sure why he is so quite and so I go through my mental list to find out the reason :

1) Did I do something ?

2) Did I get forget something ?

3) Is he upset ?

4) If yes, why ?

5) What happened at the office ?

6) Is he not happy ?

7) Why is he quiet ?

8) Back to question 1

It kind of confuses me because with women it is so much simpler. When we are angry or upset, we just keep quiet and dont talk to our husbands but with men its complicated because they alternate so much. Sometimes they are quite because they are angry and sometimes they are quiet for absolute no reason . So, how do we know what to do.

And they say “Women are complicated !” , Well, guess with times the psyche of men is also changing.

With experience I have learnt that the best thing to do is ” Stop Freaking ” and watch a good movie 🙂